How did you decide upon baby names?
Was it a straightforward process? Tense?
Did you looked deep into their eyes straight after birth and the name came to you, right there and then?
With less than 10 weeks until we welcome Baby #3 Earthside, we’re in the complicated depths of the Name Game.
We don’t want anything too common. Nor too wacky. As a teacher, approximately 55% of all names are ruled out because they remind me of a kid I once taught.
Here are our 12 fail-safe steps to finding the perfect baby name.
(N.B You probably don’t want to follow our steps because WE STILL DON’T HAVE A NAME.)

1. Ask your Firstborn for input and gently explain that you cannot name the baby Tutu Aeroplane.

2. Deny husband’s requests to name baby after his favourite Sportsball player.

3. Stand in a playground or empty shopping aisle and yell out your shortlist of names. How do they sound being called out at the top of your lungs in a public place?

4. Brainstorm all the words that rhyme with your chosen names. Assess Playground Teasability Factor.

5. Brainstorm all possible nicknames that could be derived from shortlisted names and repeat above step.

6. Review latest gossip magazines for all the names being used by celebrities and rule out all points on the compass (Thanks Kim and Kanye), Colours (Thanks, Bey and Jay), and Fruits (Thanks, Gwyneth and Chris).

7. Review latest gossip magazines for all the names being used by celebrities and shout sweary words at celebrities who have “stolen” your names. Those names will totally be on all the Hottest Names Lists for 2017. (Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, I’m looking at you.)

8. Rule out all names that remind you both of people who you went to school with that were mean/ naughty/ of questionable moral character.

9. When watching Netflix, scour the credits of every movie and TV show that you sit through in case you find “The One.”

10. Poll teacher/ childcare friends for the names that remind them of kids that they’d rather not be reminded of. Mentally note.

11. Recite names in a variety of accents to assess pronounceability. (Especially important if the grandparents are representative of the UN as is the case in our family.)

12. Dabble with the idea of assembling a combination of consonants and vowels to create your own unique name and then realise that you’re just being cray cray.

Follow these steps.
Repeat twice if you’re like us and have decided to not find out the sex of baby.
Realise you’ve still got no options.
Freak out because THE BABY WILL BE HERE IN 9 WEEKS.

Suddenly Tutu Aeroplane seems like a viable option.